I need a break.
I'm very depressed right now. Why? Because i've opened by eyes and realized what my surroundings are.
I'm an outcast, i'm sure you've known. If you didn't know, then good for you. I'm an outcast because i do not fit in any way, shape or form with the RRU community and i am the middleground between Dellepack and Ben24x7 when it comes to my relationship with the communitee. I have not been productive in any way and all i've posted is "how do i make custom map textures for LR1", learned how to do it, then never get around to it, and just forget it later on. I didn't even know much about rock raiders other than a group of people go to a planet to mine crystals. The only reason i named myself "MaelstromIslander" was so i would fit with the community but that didn't work in the slightest. I'm a brickimedia guy trying to fit into RRU which is like a bear trying to fit into a family of penguins. The only reason i'm here is because Jamesster linked a Blacktron Astronaut for LR1 mod.
I'm a comedic failure. My jokes are not funny in the slightest to anyone other than Carcraze and Wognif, but wognif even does "..."s when i make jokes. I don't even think ben or someswedish CARE about my jokes and they're my best friends. My jokes are considered spam as everyone and don't make anyone laugh except myself. I'm a comedian at an abandoned theatre and i'm the only one whose laughing. I thought i was at the PeabodySam and Jamesster comedy level but i was actually on the bottom of the totem pole. My jokes do not ammuse anyone and just annoy them, and Legos in Castles prove this. I thought comedy was my best skill but it seems i'm not good at that either.
I'm immature. I act like ten-year old when i'm four years older, and i constantly act like a jerk to people and act like i'm the right one. If RRU was much more strict, i would've been banned in a heartbeat, no questions asked. I can't handle arguments well, and they always end up with me being rude and me losing the argument. I think Le's even yelled at me in all caps before.
Long story short, i need a break. I need to fix the above so that people can at least feel a BIT pleasant around me, but my problem is i don't know how and i don't know where to practice. Again, i need a break off RRU so that i stop making the people around me miserable as well as myself, because its not productive and doesn't help anyone. Everyone knows me as Mael: The Anime Hater or just Mael: The Unproductive Arsehole, and i seem to have grown a sort of stereotype, because even though i've become much more flexible over anime people still treat me like i was before.
I need a break from RRU so that i can be a better person and people will hopefully not hate me and my selfish behavior. I've done RRU more pain than help, and its the same way the other way around.
Hope you guys understand.
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