Never thought I'd be doing this again... it's been, what, six years and a month since I made my original introductory topic way back when?
Obviously I'm not exactly a new member. I mean, come on, I haven't posted here in almost two years and I still have the highest post count on the entire board by over a thousand posts. Probably have one of the oldest "active" accounts too (counting Zetaboards); from what I can tell it seems like there's only about four people who've been here longer that still appear to be semi-active, and one of them's the founder.
But, well, it's been so long since I had any contact with most of you (and probably not good contact at that) that I might as well be a new member here. Even during the last year I spent on here things were changing, and I can't imagine what's different since then. Any big events on RRU? Or in the lives of anyone here? Any new pioneering into game modding? Any old games become forgotten about (let's face is, Rock Raiders modding was dying two years ago and is probably completely dead now, sadly)? Has DDI actually started doing something (probably not)?
I don't know. I guess, as I said in the blog post, I wish I'd never acted so stupid and rash. Even though a number of people seem glad to have me back, I know nothing's gonna be the same. And I mean, things never are, and that's fine - what would life be if the world was static? But, well. changing with the community is one thing. Old relationships fade, new ones grow, life goes on, that's just how it is. Those changes may be happy or sad, but they're gradual, and you learn to live with them usually. But dropping off the face of the earth and then having to take in all that change at once is, well, scary, I guess. And it's my own damn fault I know but I've said that enough times and I'm sure you're all tired of the self-depreciation. I guess that's why it took me so long to finally face up to my deeds (ironically making it worse for myself), and then another three weeks to finally make an actual post after everyone had already said everything they needed to say.
Anyway... I guess I'm back now, for better or worse. I don't even know what I'd say or do here now... guess that's why I posted this. Sorry if this seems a little redundant after the blog; I had intended for it to be less apologetic, but oh well. And sorry if I rambled on and on a lot, I guess I'm nervous and I ramble when I'm nervous or something idk.
thank you,
-- Lai