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The Epic Joke Thread


Cyrem
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*actual joke*

I find it funny how we have an animal called the 'fly'...

and we don't have one called the 'walk'.

Seems like that would have come first.

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*actual joke*

I find it funny how we have an animal called the 'fly'...

and we don't have one called the 'walk'.

Seems like that would have come first.

You got a chuckle out of me LZ.
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A marine is getting a talk about skydiving from his senior officer. The officer goes on about how to use the parachute "Pull the main chute like this..." and the marine asks, "What if the main chute fails to deploy?" (obviously it wouldn't be in this exact context, as this is the military) The officer says "Then you pull your emergency chute, like so" and he indicates how to do so. The marine says, "What if the emergency chute fails to deploy?". The officer says, "Then you cross your legs, put your hands together, and chant 'Buddha Buddha Buddha'."

The next day the marine skydives and our good friend Murphy gets a hold of him. His main chute was poorly attached and it flies clean off. The emergency chute fails to deploy. So the marine, knowing nothing else to do, crosses his legs and chants "Buddha Buddha Buddha". A large hand comes out of nowhere, catches him, and slowly lowers him to the ground. The marine is absolutely overjoyed, hops off the hand, and kisses the ground, and says "Oh thank God!" The hand then curls into a fist and slams him into the ground.

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A pirate walks into a bar wearing a belt that has a steering wheel on the buckle. The bartender see this and thinks "Oh lord no; I'm not even gonna get involved with that guy..." A few minutes pass and eventually the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him and he walks up to the pirate. "Hey, I was wondering, what's with the steering wheel on your belt buckle?" The pirate glances at it and shakes his head and says "Arr... It's drivin' me nuts!"

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[10:12:23 PM] Lair of Rockwhales: What do you call a superhero with Odobenidae-like powers?

[10:14:35 PM] LordZakida: MY CRAZY COUSIN WALRUSGUY

But really.

386 men walked into a bar. They said "Ouch". The bar was Chuck Norris.

*shot*

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You know how in cartoons, when people switch brains they also switch vocal cords? Beiber must have had a brain switch with a young chipmunk girl.

Sonic spin-dashed into a bar. Sonic lost every life he had ever had in all games he ever was in. The bar was Chuck No*SHOT SHOT BANG BANG BANG*

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Chuck Norris was once walking down a sidewalk and got an erection. There were no survivors.

OMG non-Chuck joke

A man is sitting in his living room when he hears a knock at the door. He gets up and answers the door, only to find nobody there and a snail sitting on his doorstep. Angered, the man picks up the snail and hurls it as far as he can. A year later, he hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it. Once again, nobody is there and a snail is sitting on his doorstep, and the snail says, "What the hell was that for?"

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