The Culture of the LMB (A Satire)

[Brigs]

Last week in my writing class I was given an assignment to write a satire to "criticize people's stupidity or vices." As a rational LEGO fan, I decided the logical place to start is the intellectual cesspool known as LEGO Message Board, or LMB. Naturally it was most effective to project the LMB as a primitive human society, called the "Elimbie." (See what I did there?) 

 

Oh, and I should probably mention that the LMB Moderators would NEVER approve the entirety of this post, rejecting the latter half because "Your post might be considered offensive to others. Please help us keep the MBs a fun place for everyone to be! Despite being a satire, users can still feel offended my some parts of it." Boo-hoo. Just this afternoon, they rejected the first half of this post after approving it, because, "Your post might be considered offensive to others. Please help us keep the MBs a fun place for everyone to be! Users might feel offended by this satire as they think it is real. It is mentiones the LEGO MB in it and therefore is too real." Thus I refrain, Boo-hoo. By the way, did you notice the eloquent spelling and grammar these mods have?

 

 

The Culture of the Elimbie

 

By Professor Brigs Bastille

 

            These past few years I have observed a nearby community isolated from all sanity, logic, and reality, which residents call the “Elimbie;†the people of this society refer to themselves as “Elimbiers.†The people of this society are remarkably infatuated with their established mythology, the center of their culture. The Refugee Department of Sanity has recently declared the Elimbie community a Mental Disaster Site. The society exists in a state called “LEGO,†within a hostile region of the World Wide Web called the Commercial Domain. It is located three tabs east of the Home; from there one takes the redirect to the LEGO Message Board (LMB).

 

 

            Recreational activities in this society may cover a range of subjects, such as storytelling, theater, and prolonged discussions on a variety of issues. The most frequent topics for discussion are clichés in the mythos, the relationships between mythical figures, and the opining on superstitious rumors. In storytelling, the narrator will typically set their anecdote’s foundation upon conventional mythological lore, but with a distinctive (and characteristically absurd) plot. It is not unusual for the speaker to insert new characters into the story, including himself, complete with extremely unrealistic abilities. According to tradition, the inserted character will subsequently meet mythic heroes, and preform some implausible feat.

 

            Elimbie discussions can be quite incomprehensible to the unaccustomed listener, as they speak an extremely devolved form of English; many in the community possess immaturely poor grammar and pronunciation, not to mention their neglect of critical accents. Frequent users of onomatopoeia, the Elimbiers enjoy denoting sounds, particularly explosions. The people are known to yell extensively and make bizarre facial expressions to convey a point. As an example of the latter, in accompaniment of a humorous, sarcastic, or absolutely ridiculous statement, the speaker will stick his tongue out at his listeners. For some reason, this expression generally does not offend onlookers. At the end of a conversation, the speaker will typically say his name, recite a quote of personal significance, and frequently express his religious affiliation.

 

            The elite of this society are the moderators, who are tasked by the government to inspect the community for individuals critical of the orthodox mythology or anything in general. They compose the most highly esteemed class in the Elimbie community, as they make all official announcements. Public polls query the population on superficial topics, however there has yet to be democratic voting for government office. Acclaimed commentators and storytellers are highly admired in the culture for their insights and legends, and they have been known to consult with the moderators.

 

            Clearly the non-civil Elimbie civilization is mentally hazardous, and obviously unfit for children. The Refugee Department of Sanity has released a public statement discouraging travel to this “Intellectual Wasteland,†as their research proves exposure to the Elimbie can greatly decrease an individual’s IQ, and frequenters to the community will likely suffer irreversible brain damage. Parents are urged to avoid exposing their offspring to the Elimbie at any cost; Children exposed to the community at a young age may eventually never leave, trapped by mind-numbing conversations in an eternal state of stupidity. 

[MisterGryphon]

 At the end of a conversation, the speaker will typically say his name, recite a quote of personal significance, and frequently express his religious affiliation.

 

 

My very favorite part of The Culture of the Elimbie is this one.

 

Signed Gryphon, a proud homeschooled, white, straight male who loves Jesus very much.

"Pbbbbt"

[Quisoves Potoo]

While many of your criticisms are certainly true, I'm not certain of the significance of attaching them exclusively to the Lego Message Boards, when they stem from problems in no way exclusive to or necessarily caused by Lego communities. For all the babble, there some Elimbiers possessed of lucidity, even if they only amount to a sizable minority.

 

EDIT: Out of curiosity, you aren't criticizing them for stating their religious affiliations, are you? There is a fine difference between agreeing with a person and tolerating his opinions. It seems rather intolerant to criticize a person for merely stating his opinions.

[Brigs]

Quisoves Pugnat, as a satirical work, this assignment was to greatly exaggerate the insensibilities of a particular community, and I was most familiar with the LMB; it is certainly true there are other communities with the vices I mentioned. And of course this article stereotypes the greater community, I am aware many visitors of the LMB are sane. On the last comment, I'm not criticizing those who mention their religious beliefs, but it seems a bit void of context in a LEGO forum where nobody is even allowed to have a deep religious and spiritual conversation. I am a Christian myself, but I usually don't mention it unless it's relevant. In fact, I personally quite enjoy civilized religious debates. 

[Cyrem]

Haven't read this yet, but, make me admin of the LMB and I'd be able to fix that place up tight.

 

It is located three tabs east of the Home

I lost it xD

[Quisoves Potoo]

Quisoves Pugnat, as a satirical work, this assignment was to greatly exaggerate the insensibilities of a particular community, and I was most familiar with the LMB; it is certainly true there are other communities with the vices I mentioned. And of course this article stereotypes the greater community, I am aware many visitors of the LMB are sane. On the last comment, I'm not criticizing those who mention their religious beliefs, but it seems a bit void of context in a LEGO forum where nobody is even allowed to have a deep religious and spiritual conversation. I am a Christian myself, but I usually don't mention it unless it's relevant. In fact, I personally quite enjoy civilized religious debates. 

 

That makes sense. I wasn't criticizing the writing of the assignment itself, which is most certainly good, simply wondering about the necessity of focusing on the LMBs in particular. But I think you answered both of my questions satisfactorily. Thank you.

[Cyrem]

The elite of this society are the moderators

As far as I've been able to tell from my regretful visits to that community, I'm not sure if the policies LMB's have are simply bad or if it's the terribly chosen 8 year old moderators.

[le717]

As far as I've been able to tell from my regretful visits to that community, I'm not sure if the policies LMB's have are simply bad or if it's the terribly chosen 8 year old moderators.

I think this sums up the LMB's policies quite nicely:

[Cyrem]

I think this sums up the LMB's policies quite nicely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKMZZqE_40

wow... thats, thats it right there.

[Cirevam]

"I hate this place."

Batman knows what's up.

[JrMasterModelBuilder]

This is awesome! So much truth in this satire topic.

 

The LEGO Message Boards, The (Short) Movie.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EST12p1fWPk

[Cyrem]

The LEGO Message Boards, The (Short) Movie.

I regret everything.

[McJobless]

Haven't read this yet, but, make me admin of the LMB and I'd be able to fix that place up tight.

I hear the ban-hammer swinging already.

[Cyrem]

Haven't read this yet, but, make me admin of the LMB and I'd be able to fix that place up tight.

I hear the ban-hammer swinging already.

I think I would actually enjoy fixing that place hahahaha.

[aidenpons]

Elimbie discussions can be quite incomprehensible to the unaccustomed listener, as they speak an extremely devolved form of English; many in the community possess immaturely poor grammar and pronunciation, not to mention their neglect of critical accents. Frequent users of onomatopoeia, the Elimbiers enjoy denoting sounds, particularly explosions. The people are known to yell extensively and make bizarre facial expressions to convey a point. As an example of the latter, in accompaniment of a humorous, sarcastic, or absolutely ridiculous statement, the speaker will stick his tongue out at his listeners. For some reason, this expression generally does not offend onlookers. At the end of a conversation, the speaker will typically say his name, recite a quote of personal significance, and frequently express his religious affiliation.

You need to put a disclaimer saying that you cannot be sued for accidents involving a) laughing, b) choking, and c) falling off the chair.

 

Seriously, that was hilarious.

 

By the way, did you notice the eloquent spelling and grammar these mods have?

*whistles nonchalantly*

[le717]

Thanks you, Brigs, for providing such a riveting insight and documentary of this strange and mysterious world known as the Elimbie. You sir should recieve the Nobel Prize of Sanity for being able to provide us with such a documentary and coming out unharmed.