Scene 24: Johnny Thunder Blows This Taco Stand

[PeabodySam]

Note from Director Steven Spielbrick:
What you are about to read is the script of a deleted scene from the upcoming blockbuster, The LEGO Movie, soon to be in theaters. The script was written by Frank, best known for his screenwriting of the 2002 blockbuster The Johnny Thunder Movie when he wasn't writing love letters to lead actress Giselle and crying in a corner in the commissary because he was too cowardly to actually give her any of those love letters. There is some speculation by Dr. Albert Overbuild that this script was actually ghostwritten by another individual who wrote this scene just to stroke his already-inflated ego, although Johnny Thunder denies any of these accusations.This scene was written entirely as a homage to fan-favorite LEGO lines and games from the late nineties, exploiting fan nostalgia to its maximum levels. I promise that only reason we left this on the cutting room floor is because of running time, and most certainly not because of any allegations that I am a cheapskate who refused to pay the cast and crew to film this scene.

 

 

 

Scene 24

FADE IN. The shot opens with a low-angle shot of a hill, with dark and stormy clouds in the background. Occasionally, the sky is brightened by a flash of lightning. When filming this, be sure to tell the best boy Eddie to make sure that gaffer Hank doesn't electrocute himself with the lighting equipment again, even though it would produce the desired effect if we want it to look like lightning.

The music should be dark and foreboding, with the only other sounds being wind and the distant rumbling of thunder. On that note, make sure the gofers bring coffee to Unit 2 cameraman Nero so he won't fall asleep while shooting again, since it takes forever to edit out his snoring in post. And make sure it's an espresso, not a latte or mocha, because it takes even longer to edit out the sound of Nero screaming at the gofer who brought him the wrong cup of coffee.

The music crescendos, becoming less dark and foreboding and giving way to a march that is most certainly not a cheap knock-off of the "Raiders March." Enter JOHNNY THUNDER, who climbs up the hill before standing proudly and triumphantly at the top, fixing his hat and staring off into the distance. As the march hits its most dramatic and emotional peak, complete with ominous Latin chanting, the backlighting turns bright and angelic, as though the sun is rising directly behind JOHNNY THUNDER (again, make sure Hank doesn't electrocute himself), sure to give this scene some faux symbolism that will leave literary critics scratching their heads for years and wondering, "What does it mean? Obviously, it means Johnny Thunder is awesome, but surely there must be an even deeper meaning!"

Text flashes at the bottom of the screen, reading: "5900: Adventurer Johnny Thunder available at your local toy store! Only $4.25!"

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Aces! Good on ya, Johnny! If that bludger Lord Business and his dodgy Robot SWAT Team think they could hold the Thunder himself prisoner aboard that dropship, they've got kangaroos loose in their paddock!

 

CUT TO AERIAL SHOT of the nearby wreckage of the crashed police dropship. Text flashes at the bottom of the screen, reading: "70815: Police Dropship available at your local toy story! Only $69.99!"

CUT back to JOHNNY THUNDER standing on the hill.  This time, he is joined by the Rock Raiders CHIEF, who climbs up the hill to stand beside him.  He is not accompanied by dramatic music or angelic lighting because he is not as awesome as JOHNNY THUNDER.  However, he gets to appear in this scene because we're exploiting fan nostalgia.  After all, that's the reason why we have JOHNNY THUNDER, BENNY, and other classic figures for no reason other than to make older LEGO fans swoon while younger LEGO fans are confused, failing to recognize their significance.  Those poor children.

 

CHIEF frowns and crosses his arms, glaring at JOHNNY THUNDER, most likely jealous of how awesome he is.

 

CHIEF:

You know, I did help!  If it weren't for me, we'd-

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Oh, of course you wanted to get in on a bit of the action, Chief!  Doesn't everyone dream of the opportunity that they may have the chance to work with the Thunder himself?  Well, mate, today's your lucky day!

 

CHIEF:

Rather than standing idly on this hill like it's a sandwich break, I'd rather resume our mission to stop Lord Business!  But we can't do this alone... we need the other Master Builders.  I don't know how many of the others escaped, but I overheard Vitruvius grumbling that the Infomaniac was not present at the meeting in Cloud Cuckoo Land.  Perhaps we can a landslide has occurred!

 

BEAT.  CHIEF covers his mouth and looks sheepish.  JOHNNY THUNDER does not appear to have noticed his sudden outburst, instead staring off into space while stroking his chin.  We need a few seconds of silence that will most likely be drowned out by the laughter of older LEGO Rock Raiders fans and a chorus of confused "What just happened?" cries from the younger audience before we continue.

 

CHIEF:

Err, sorry about that.  I've got a plan for the mission!  We gather some resources and... are you even listening?

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Hmm... let's see... aha! The Thunder has a plan! Of course he does, he always does!

 

CHIEF:

But I was just about to brief you on-

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

There's gotta be a map somewhere in Lord Business's evil lair that shows the routes that the police dropships will follow after leavin' Cloud Cuckoo Land with the captured Master Builders. And once I have a map, I can find anythin', whether it's a Golden Dragon or a Green Ninja! But first, I'll need to explore Lord Business's evil lair to find this map, and before I do that, I'll need to find the evil lair in the first place...

 

CHIEF:

Alright, fine. I'll check my handheld geological scanner to see if I can locate...

 

Camera REVOLVES around JOHNNY THUNDER and CHIEF and ZOOMS OUT, revealing Octan Headquarters towering before them. Dramatic musical stinger plays. Text flashes at the bottom of the screen, reading: "70809: Lord Business's Evil Lair available at your local toy store! Only $69.99!"
 

CHIEF:

Oh, there it is.

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Chief, you stay here and contact the Infomaniac.  The Thunder is going in!

 

CHIEF:

Wait! You can't just walk into Octan Headquarters like that!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Hmm, that'd be right. I'm so famous, everyone will recognize me the moment I step my foot in that door, and then I'd be taken apart faster than some shonky MegaBloks rubbish! I can't believe it, a situation where no one is allowed to notice the Thunder! Those poor fangirls will have to wait!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER takes off his hat and rubs his forehead.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Think, Thunder, think! That one other Master Builder... the one always wearin' his underwear on the outside... what was his name?

 

CHIEF:

Clark?

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Yeah, that's it. Clark. What did he say to do in such a situation?

 

CUT to Cloud Cuckoo Palace, filmed in black-and-white to indicate that this is a flashback and, more importantly, to cut costs of filming. While other Master Builders mingle in the background, SUPERMAN is speaking to JOHNNY THUNDER, who isn't paying much attention and is instead attempting but failing miserably to flirt with WYLDSTYLE. JOHNNY THUNDER also fails to notice BATMAN in the background, angered by the flirting, repeatedly throwing batarangs at him but missing every time.
 

SUPERMAN:

If you're ever in a situation where you need to go unnoticed, find a phone booth and wear glasses.

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Yeah, mate. Goin' unnoticed. Doubt I'll ever have to give it a burl-

 

A batarang finally hits JOHNNY THUNDER and knocks him out of the shot. SUPERMAN and a few other Master Builders gasp. BATMAN performs a fist pump.
 

BATMAN:

First try!

 

CUT back to JOHNNY THUNDER in front of Octan Headquarters. He grins and puts his hat back on. If he had fingers, he would snap them.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Ripper! Find a phone booth, wear glasses!

 

CHIEF:

Oh, brilliant.  But where can we find a phone booth in these modern...

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Well, ain't this a beaut? Have a gander at this, 'cause there's one right there!

 

PAN to a blue police box situated just outside Octan Headquarters.

 

CHIEF:

Okay, Johnny Thunder! Go for it while I contact the Infomaniac. Good luck on your mission! And watch out for those landslides - I mean, Robot Feds!

 

CHIEF leaves the shot to contact the Infomaniac.  Or, at least, that's what he claims to be doing.  In reality, we all know that he is actually going on a sandwich break.

 

JOHNNY THUNDER runs to the blue police box, opens the door, steps inside, and closes the door behind him.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Crikey, it's a lot bigger on the inside!

 

The door opens and JOHNNY THUNDER steps out of the police box. He is now wearing a disguise: a grey fedora, a pair of sunglasses, a fake mustache, a sleeveless leather vest, a satchel, and green pants.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Wicked, they'll never recognize me now in this disguise! They'll take a butcher's hook and say, "There's no way that's the fair dinkum Thunder. That's some lousy motorcyclist Thunder-wannabe!" Maybe they'll even write a ton of fan mail askin' me to come back and kick this stupid motorcyclist in the hip piece! Now, time to find that map...

 

CUT to the Octan conference room, where there is low lighting and low, sinister music playing in the background. At the start of the shot, make sure the camera focus is on a large map of the globe, in order to highlight that Gilligan Cut between JOHNNY THUNDER saying "map" and the fact that we're cutting to a map. It's supposed to be clever. Then, PAN OUT to gradually reveal the rest of the room, including PRESIDENT BUSINESS and EVIL OGEL, who are sitting at the conference table and talking. At the end of the shot, FOCUS IN on a giant brick-built taco in the room, promoting the upcoming Taco Tuesday with a sign that ends with the following message: "Please do not rebuild this into something that will help you defeat the bad guys." Just some subtle foreshadowing.
 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

... but after that incident with the noodles, I've been trying for days to sink Benny's classic spaceship, but every unit I send out to do the job ends up spontaneously combusting and falling through the floor!

 

EVIL OGEL:

Those minions are only good for tossing out a window to relieve some stress. You cannot rely on them, which is why you must pay close attention to every word I say. Heeding my advice could mean the difference between failure and victory. Now, listen: when we send out the giant plastic badger, we...

 

Enter JOHNNY THUNDER. PRESIDENT BUSINESS and EVIL OGEL both stop talking and stare at him. When each character speaks, make sure WIDE-ANGLE LENS is used in a CLOSE-UP SHOT. Despite how many films try to do this and only look awkward and uncomfortable, we will get it right! Maybe.
 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

Who are you?

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Err, yes. Hello. My name is John... son... uh... Thun... doo... yeah. And I'm here to clean your block.

 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

Ah, Johnson Thundoo? You sure look nothing like that Johnny Thunder fellow.

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Of course not! The Thunder is a brave and awesome hero! I'm a mean, rebellious, law-breakin', motorcycle-ridin' Thunder-wannabe son of a MegaBlok!

 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

Hold on. Do correct me if I'm mistaken, but did you just say that you break the law? Surely, we don't want any of that around here, now, do we?

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Uh... of course not. I said, I'm a mean, rebellious... err, law-abidin'... motorcycle-ridin' Thunder-wannabe son of a MegaBlok... yeah.

 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

Oh, good! That's a very good thing to hear, or else I would have you put to sleep! Err, I mean, uh, yes, pleased to meet you, Mr. Thundoo! It's so hard finding villains who are willing to work with me... most of the time, they're just out to break the law and spread chaos. Not like Ogel here, who's perfectly happy with enforcing rules with an iron fist! Or a plastic hook, in this case.

 

EVIL OGEL:

Yes, President Business. Mr. Thundoo, I welcome you to the Organization of Great Evil Laughter. That's O.G.E.L., which spells "Ogel". Quite ingenious, isn't it? I came up with it myself! Now, please, take a seat and make yourself uncomfortable while I get back to Business.

 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

"Back to Business." Oh, that's clever!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER takes a seat next to the giant taco. I bet you never expected to ever read that sentence in a movie script.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Hey, mate, why is LEGO Island blinkin' red on that map?

 

EVIL OGEL:

Ah, you're just in time to witness the launch of a rocket from the spaceport on LEGO Island! Once launched, it will release its cargo and blanket the Earth with Evil Orbs that will put everyone under my mind-control so I can usurp Lord Business and rule the world... I mean, uh, just kidding! Pretend that you didn't hear that!

 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

Oh, I love this guy! He's so funny! What a joker! But, in full seriousness, we've got that rocket loaded with a bunch of micro-managers that will take over the world, and there's no one who can stop us! Those Master Builders have been a thorn in my side long enough!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Yeah? Well, this thorn is about to take you down!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER jumps out of his seat and rips off his disguise. A triumphant fanfare plays, and the lighting in the room brightens (keep an eye on Hank). PRESIDENT BUSINESS and EVIL OGEL gasp in astonishment.
 

PRESIDENT BUSINESS:

You're not Johnson Thundoo! You're... uh... Ogel, who is this?

 

EVIL OGEL:

Johnny Thunder! I'll have you sent to the Melting Room for this!

 

Text flashes at the bottom of the screen, reading: "70801: Melting Room available at your local toy store! Only $12.99!"
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

G'day, mates! Thunder's the name, building's the game! And it's time to blow this taco stand!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER disassembles the giant taco and rebuilds it into an explosive escape catapult. The catapult launches him out a nearby window as it explodes. SLOW-MOTION SHOT of JOHNNY THUNDER flying through the air with the explosions behind him, complete with epic music playing in the background. The explosions serve no real purpose, but it'll be great trailer footage.

JOHNNY THUNDER lands conveniently in a fountain outside Octan Headquarters, because if there's one thing we learn from videogames, it's that water negates fall damage, so therefore audience's suspension of disbelief won't be broken. As JOHNNY THUNDER emerges from the fountain, the camera is focused on him, although CHIEF can be seen in the background out-of-focus.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Crikey, that was a close one! The other Master Builders will have to wait; I gotta stop that rocket from launchin'! But, how will I get to LEGO Island in time? It’s a back o' Bourke from here!

 

CHIEF:

A landslide has occurred!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER cries out in surprise and spins around. FOCUS IN on CHIEF.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Chief! Good to see you again, mate! Did you contact the Infomaniac?

 

CHIEF:

Yes, I did.  I'll brief you on the good news and bad news.  The good news is that the Infomaniac is safe; he explained that he was unable to attend the meeting due to having to attend some annual tug-of-war competition held over a shark's bay, but he was hoping to arrive fashionably late.  By the time he arrived, everyone was gone... the Master Builders, the Robot SWAT Team, and even the LEGO Studios film crew! That's why he didn't have a cameo appearance earlier in this film like you did.  After that, he returned home to LEGO Island... and that's where the bad news comes in.

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

That'd be right, mate. Listen, I gotta rock up at LEGO Island as quickly as possible, and I ain't got time for a walkabout.

 

CHIEF:

I can help you build a Teleport Pad that will send you there instantly!  Even better, we don't need to worry about following any complicated procedures or overly-convoluted mechanics in constructing such a teleporter.  We're Master Builders; we don't need to follow the instruction manual! Just... don't tell my Rock Raider cadets I said that, or else they'll never listen to another thing I teach them at the academy, and then I'll be a landslide has occurred!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

You little ripper! Let's build this Teleport Pad and stop that rocket!

 

Let's hope that audiences will ignore the fact that we’re only using CHIEF as a blatant Mr. Exposition and deus ex machina in addition to exploiting fan nostalgia. JOHNNY THUNDER and CHIEF quickly disassemble the fountain and rebuild it into a Teleport Pad. CHIEF salutes JOHNNY THUNDER as the latter steps into the Teleport Pad. The scene around JOHNNY THUNDER dissolves in a bright flash of light (okay, maybe just this once, let Hank accidentally electrocute himself for the best results).

As the light fades away, JOHNNY THUNDER finds himself in front of the Information Center on LEGO Island. Text flashes at the bottom of the screen, reading: "5731: Information Center available at... oh, wait, LEGO hasn't produced that set yet."

JOHNNY THUNDER looks around and sees the Super-Secret Police terrorizing the town populace in a lengthy MASTER SHOT. The camera lingers for a moment on PEPPER RONI throwing pizzas at one Robo SWAT, which is unaffected.
 

PEPPER RONI:

Whoa! Man, these bad robot dudes are nothing like the Brickster-Bots!

 

When the camera returns to JOHNNY THUNDER, he turns around and meets the INFOMANIAC, who is clearly distressed and acting even more erratic than usual.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

G'day, Infomaniac! How-

 

INFOMANIAC:

Hello! Hola! Velkommen... oh, forget the usual spiel! There is no time! This should be enough: welcome to LEGO Island! Please sign the Big Blue Brick Book and, oh, no, don't sign it, we haven't got time! Oh, this is terrible! We're in danger, Johnny! Not only are all these dastardly robots everywhere, but-

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

A big, bad rocket is gonna blast off from the spaceport, I know. How could this happen? How did you let Ogel build the rocket here?

 

INFOMANIAC:

Ogel? Well, then, I'll bet that no-good Brickster is behind this, somehow! That crook is always proclaiming himself to be Ogel's fanboy! Now, I've got a brilliant plan to stop them, but if only I could remember what it is!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

No worries! I once knew this lad named Zack...

 

INFOMANIAC:

Zack?

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

He's a LEGO maniac. And he once told me, "GOTTA BUILD LIKE CRAZY!"

 

INFOMANIAC:

Eureka, that's it!

 

INFOMANIAC runs inside the Information Center and comes back out with the Constructopedia in his hands.
 

INFOMANIAC:

Lord Business is all about following the rules; sticking to the instructions and nothing else! This book... it gives him strength! We need to stop following the instructions! Think outside the Constructopedia!

 

INFOMANIAC tears a page out of the Constructopedia. Behind him, the Information Center deconstructs and its bricks fly up into the sky. JOHNNY THUNDER and INFOMANIAC watch the bricks as they disappear, then INFOMANIAC sheepishly sticks the page back into the Constructopedia, causing the bricks to reappear and rebuild the Information Center.
 

INFOMANIAC:

I... probably could have thought that one through a little better. Okay, forget tearing the pages out of the Constructopedia.

 

JOHNNY THUNDER and INFOMANIAC disassemble the Information Center, manually this time, and rebuild it into a crazy flying vehicle that would probably never fly in real life, but that’s okay because this is LEGO and not real life. As a song that is most certainly not a cheap knock-off of "Flight of the Valkyries" plays, they hop into the flying vehicle and take off. CUT to AERIAL TRACKING SHOT of the flying vehicle as it passes over the Super-Secret Police down below.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Crikey! I've got a gut feelin' that those bots will stop us from stoppin' that rocket if we don't stop them from stoppin' us from stoppin' that rocket!

 

INFOMANIAC:

Quick, a trick! With green bricks and red bricks...

 

INFOMANIAC pushes a button. CUT to TILT DOWN SHOT as the flying vehicle starts dropping green and red bricks, then a FOLLOW SHOT of the bricks as they fall upon the robots. The bricks block the robots' paths and trap them in the center of the island. The LEGO Island civilians cheer. CUT back to JOHNNY THUNDER and INFOMANIAC.
 

INFOMANIAC:

They stay!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Good on ya, mate! We're almost at the spaceport!

 

The flying vehicle lands atop Space Mountain, next to the spaceport. JOHNNY THUNDER and INFOMANIAC jump out of the vehicle and run to mission control, running towards the camera in slow-motion, but they stop in shock upon seeing the off-screen minifigure at the control panel.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Crikey! Well, I'll be stuffed!  Isn't that the friendly mechanic who works at the gas station?

 

INFOMANIAC:

It cannot be! In all my years, I would never have thought it would be you... Nubby Stevens!

 

LOW-ANGLE SHOT of NUBBY STEVENS operating mission control, surrounded by Robo SWAT bodyguards and looking as evil and sinister as a friendly mechanic working at your local gas station can be. Dramatic music stinger plays.
 

NUBBY STEVENS:

Hmm, I wonder who you might have been expecting. The Brickster? Don't be ridiculous... he's a criminal, a law-breaker, not at all the type of villain that President Business would hire! I, on the other hand, have been working at the Octan gas station here on LEGO Island for all these years. It only makes sense that my CEO would want a trusted employee to oversee the launch of Ogel's rocket! It's like I always say: life is like a skateboard... because you can grind it beneath your feet!

 

INFOMANIAC:

Nubby, please, listen to me! You don't want to do this! If you launch that rocket, Lord Business will take over the world!

 

NUBBY STEVENS:

I'm tired of always asking why we're yellow and what's an elbow and all those other philosophical questions. Sometimes, the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything is to rule it all! And nobody can stop me!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Listen, ya fancy yabberin' wuss. Do you know who you're dealin' with?

 

NUBBY STEVENS:

Why, you're...

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

The name's Johnny Thunder. Australian. Master Builder. And the minifigure who's gonna burn Octan Corporation to the ground!

 

You know what? I've got writer's block. Just blow the whole movie's budget on some cool action sequence with lots of explosions.

After that's over, JOHNNY THUNDER stands victoriously in front of Brickolini's Pizzeria, with the entire population of LEGO Island (except NUBBY STEVENS, for obvious reasons) crowding around him and cheering.
 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

Aces, we did it! We gave Nubby a drubbin' and stopped that rocket! I'd daresay that was the most excitin' adventure I've been on yet!

 

PEPPER RONI:

Dude, thanks for foiling Nubby's evil plan, stopping that rocket, and saving LEGO Island!

 

INFOMANIAC:

The day has been saved thanks to Johnny Thunder! Let's throw a celebration!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER:

I'd be stoked to stay and celebrate, mates, but adventure is callin'! My fellow Master Builders are in peril, and Lord Business is still at large, and only I can stop him and save the world!

 

INFOMANIAC:

Are you ready to leave LEGO Island? Thanks for the visit, and you're welcome to come back anytime!

 

JOHNNY THUNDER climbs back into the crazy flying machine and waves goodbye to the citizens of LEGO Island, then takes off. CUT to LONG SHOT of LEGO Island. JOHNNY THUNDER flies towards the camera, and the shot freezes on him winking to the audience, sure to make any girls in the audience swoon. FADE OUT.

And now, for something completely different: the boring adventures of Emmet.

[STUDZ]

Saw this on BZP, congrats on winning the Caveat Scriptor contest! Your entry was just brilliant.

 

(...and screw some of the criticism you got. none of those references you made were obscure to anyone who knows about Pre-TT LEGO games. or themes.)

[lol username]

Seeing as we already talked about this on Steam imma just leave a gif.

Congrats on winning that contest!

[ProfessorBrickkeeper]

This actually left me chuckling out loud. I did end up first reading this on BZP and I don't think and of those critiques really mattered, I certainly found this great.

Congrats on winning that contest, with this piece of writing it is no wonder you did.

(And I hope you continue to write more pieces like this)

(BTW, do I sense some inspiration from the Venture Koi that went into that creation in your image?)

[aidenpons]

That... That is hilarious.

But why couldn't Chief say something about 'Lord Business is invading your base!' I miss that quote...

 

[Brigs]

This is absolutely brilliant. The Thunder himself would approve! 

[vitawrap]

...I didn't read it... But let's say I approve. 

[PeabodySam]

But why couldn't Chief say something about 'Lord Business is invading your base!' I miss that quote...

 

Because it was a "cringe-worthy esoteric obscure reference".  Seriously, though, I did have a reference to the "invading your base" line in the first draft and it was ultimately cut for that reason.  I guess not all LEGO fans have our nutty sense of humor.

 

...I didn't read it... But let's say I approve. 

 

...

 

So, let me get this straight.  You actually went ahead and posted that you didn't even bother to read this story but you're posting anyway?  And in doing so, coming across as desperately seeking attention by blindly agreeing with the masses rather than actively forming your own opinion?

 

But let's say I don't approve.